How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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