Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
