i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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