She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
