My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
