PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
She announced her abortion via fbk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
