they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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