He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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