im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
