we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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