I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
