oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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