Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
