is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
