Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
