Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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