I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
