She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
