yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
