That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
