this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
