i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
