census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
