he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
