I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
