if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
