The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
