wakey wakey hands off snakey
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
