That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
