you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
