oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
