I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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