Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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