So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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