Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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