I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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