So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
