So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
