thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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