When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
