Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
