fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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