so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
