he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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