is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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