Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
