Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
