If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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