Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
