i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
