the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
